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How To: Write a How To column

  1. Get asked to do it and over-excitedly say yes

  2. Forget to do it for a while

  3. Remember you promised to write them and start thinking about it in bed at night in between a debate you were “re-resolving” from 2008 and having an existential crisis in fear of your shoes not matching your underwear

  4. Watch a marathon of Sex and the City for column writing inspiration

  5. Develop depression because you realize you’re a Miranda

  6. Watch How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days for “how to’s” and get distracted by how hot Kate Hudson is

  7. Start writing your column instead of studying for the upcoming bac blanc

  8. Get distracted by the new episode of Riverdale

  9. Finish the column and decide you’re too lazy to change it so you’ll settle for what you did

  10. Repeat this pattern for each column you write