You have big dreams and ambitions. You have specific anticipations and perfectly sketched scenarios of what your life is going to be like. I know how that feels.
To know your path better than it knows itself is an uplifting and energising notion to have. It seems like your life is moving at a steady pace, and what I remember most is that it makes you absolutely sure that nothing is going to be too challenging for you. The words of your protective parents and your supportive friends have conditioned you to believe that you are unbreakable and destined for great things; things that will come to you instantly and give you immediate gratification.
But what you haven’t discovered yet is the empowerment that lies in struggle. The empowerment that lies within the lows of life: the failures, the heartbreaks, the criticisms and the mental breakdowns.
Media and the society around you has conditioned you to believe in a world of black and white. You believe that people can be either happy, successful and strong or sad, unsuccessful and fractured. If only life was so linear and smooth sailing. But fortunately, or unfortunately, you are going to be each of these things at different points in your life (sometimes even simultaneously).
It might seem intimidating, but what I’ve learnt this year, and will possibly have to continuously relearn in the future, is that this colourful paradoxical thing that is “life” allows us as humans to never be unanimously defined as one specific thing. People occupy multiple adjectives, different experiences and contrasting perspectives, which is what makes us wounded, magical, frustrating, and so many other things at the same time.
Therefore, I hope that you learn to find solace in the fact that you are not your success. You are not your failure. You are an undefinable orb of fierce, turbulent emotion. I hope that you understand that your tiny enclosure of skin and bone houses an immense vastness inside it, and I hope that this thought gives you hope and pulls you out of grief and disappointment.
I know your entire passion relies on describing stories and people, but I’m here to give you the blatant truth: individuals are indescribable. Don’t fight it. Hold on to it, even when the easy choice is to forget it.
You, just a tiny bit older.