Please get with me”
“And why not?”
“Because when I got with you last Saturday I liked you, I don’t like you anymore”
“Oh really? And why’s that?”
“Because of your behaviour this weekend. It wasn’t attractive. I couldn’t care less about the fact you got with somebody else, sure there was a bit of deception in that I thought perhaps you liked me just enough to stay interested for a bit longer but hey, shouldn’t flatter myself.
No, what wasn’t attractive was the way you slipped your hand up between her legs, the way you put your face in her breasts, in front of 500 people with no regard whatsoever for intimacy or privacy. I mean sure she was letting you and sure everyone does it but do you seriously think that she was enjoying it? That it felt nice? Trust me, it does not, not in those circumstances. Yet she didn’t say anything. Contrarily to me, who, when you reached down to touch my bum last weekend, told you to back off and that “Oi I’m french, take it slow”. But that’s the issue, I hadn’t felt comfortable saying “hey, that doesn’t feel nice, that makes me uncomfortable”. Instead, I used my nationality as justification for my restraint. I realise, in awe, that the discomfort at saying something straightforwardly or saying anything at all has become greater than the discomfort at having someone touch you privately in a public space.
And you? Did you really enjoy it yourself? Did it feel nice to fumble around between her legs like you did? Or were just seeing how far you could go, how many inches of her body you could invade and conquer in order to feel like you had the right to claim her as yours for the day?
I understand that in a teenager’s head things may get confusing; the short dress, the low neckline, she wants you to notice those parts of her. Perhaps when she slipped on her tight fitting dress she thought with excitement of the gawking and staring and perhaps even of what you gave her. Not because she enjoys it, but because she’s learnt that that’s what makes her interesting to others, what gets her attention, what makes her valuable. You see, her putting all of that forward (and I speak from experience) has everything to do with promoting herself, with putting her best strengths forward. These are so overwhelmingly physical though, that they leave little space for interesting conversation or exchange. The problem is that when teenagers stumble through growth, it’s difficult to know where you draw the line, both for her and for you. I’m guessing that she herself doesn’t actually know what she was expecting, or what else she could expect. This a little bit tricky and I’m still trying to figure it all out but one thing I’m sure of is the following:
When young girls go home feeling valued at the price of the invasion of their fragile, developing intimacy and young boys go home feeling valued because of the extent at which they invaded that intimacy, conquer-conquered dynamics arise, usually that teach young boys poor consideration of women and that teach young girls that they find attention through what they physically put out. All I ask is that you give this some thought, because I had a better time talking to you than supervising where you put your hands.”